Joe's Rants and Raves

  • Jan 10 - 06:13 PM: Ketch it before it is gone. : Joe McBane

    Recently I purchased a bunch of clear glass Grolsch style bottles to put Ketchup in. I thought they would be awesome. A good fit for a stylish beer bar. How wrong was I. The problems with these things are numerous.

    Just getting the ketchup in the bottle requires a steady hand, perfect alignment and optimal dispensing speed. Understand there will of course be much mess however skilled you are. We found a straw a handy tool to keep around.

    Now that the ketchup is in the container the real fun starts. It is worth noting that a knife will not fit into the top of the bottle nor is there any '57' mark as a perfect striking point. I think you can see where I am going with this. I had to hide in the back room for a minute on more than one occasion due to hysterical laughter while watching people viciously beat on the bottle in order get the slightest amount of ketchup out. Last night one of our waitress's was actually summoned to a table to assist a gentleman in extracting his condiment of choice.

    I have also discovered that serving ketchup this way is gross. Crusty, ketchup smeared bottles constantly. These bottles would great for home brewing and I am sure my staff will be more than happy to put them to use.

    Not a single member of staff liked the new bottles. I am surprised that it hasn't surfaced on some review site yet!

    A great example of wonderful form with absolutely minimal function. Sometimes you've got to hold your hands up and say it....I was completely and utterly wrong when I thought this was in any way a good idea. Clean, squeezy ketchup bottles will be back on your tables imminently. We hope you found small humor in this brief bump in the Tap and Mallet condiment road.

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  • Jan 08 - 06:31 PM: Deron Weet's Desert Island 5 : Joe McBane

    My Top 5 desert island beers would be: 5. A Scotch Ale, preferably Scotch Silly, Moylans Kilt Lifter, or Alesmith Wee Heavy 4. A Doppelbock, preferably Wagner Valley Tripelbock, Troegs Troegenator, or Wiehenstephaner Korbinian 3. A White Ale, preferably St. Bernardus, Celis, or Avery White Rascal 2. A Strong Ale, preferably Port Brewing Old Viscosity, Great Lakes Nosferatu, or Stone Arrogant Bastard 1. A Saison, preferably Hennepin, North Coast La Merle, or Nogne.

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  • Jan 07 - 11:23 PM: Funny Paragraph : Joe McBane

    Read this on Beer Advocate:

    A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

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